Dear mommy,

When I first heard about your cancer, I was devastated, distraught, and more than anything else, mad. I kept on asking myself, why is this world so unfair? Yes, I know that life is unfair. But I have never come across a time that I felt this so strongly. How could such a terrible thing happen to such a good person?  Everything was just so wrong.

But then when I learned to accept it and to carry hope to fight this together, I realized, fate wasn’t always against us. I was able to graduate early and spend 9 whole months with you when you most needed me. I was accepted to UCLA School of Dentistry, where you wanted me to go the most. 姨、二姨、and 二舅were all able to come from China to spend time with you. These things happened to encourage you to fight this illness. And you were able to hold on for so long – you were able to turn fate around in your favor and attend my graduation and my white coat ceremony. You have no idea how happy I am that you were there for me.

Of course, I wish you stayed longer to see me get become a successful dentist, get married, and have kids. I wish you were there to celebrate more of my birthdays and I were there to celebrate more of yours. There are so many things that I still want to say to you, and there will be so many stories and moments that I will want to share with you. I want to be selfish and keep you forever. But I have to let go. I don’t want you to suffer from all the cruel treatments anymore. I know that now you are relieved of the pain, and in a way, I am also relieved. You deserve to be in a place where there is no pain, no suffering, no more stress. And I truly believe that you are there right now. It breaks my heart that we’re not able to be with you right now, but just hang in there, mommy. One day, we will all be united again. Until then, don’t worry about us. You were so strong until the end, and we will be too. 

Words cannot describe how much I love you and miss you.

Love,
Karen 
10/7/2015